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January 1 – My Struggle

January 2, 2012

I struggle with so many evil thoughts and sinful actions, I get frustrated.  How can a servant of God’s people still struggle with so many things that are contrary to the will of God?  From the deepest recesses of my heart, I do not desire to walk contrary to my Lord.  I seek Him for my example and depend upon the Holy Spirit to lead me through this maze called life.  But it doesn’t change the desires of the flesh.  I can relate to what Jesus said in Mat 26:41, “Watch and pray, that ye enter not into temptation: the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.”  It is such a strong pull to sin in so many ways, like acting immature, to use my tongue to hurt others, and to give my attention to things that destroy rather than things that feed the soul.

I know what prevents me from being everything I should be is envy and selfishness in my heart.  I find myself seeking the attention and applause of men, feeding my own ego and drawing undue attention to myself.  This is not what I desire, but it is what I find myself doing.

Truly, my desire is to shut out all other things in my life that hinder my walk with Christ and to absolutely surrender my heart to Him.  That means giving up the pleasures of this life and turning more to spiritual things.

 “For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain.” – Phil 1:21

My hope is firmly planted “in Christ”.  My expectation is that He will carry me through the fires and various trials I must encounter.  I am confident that when I fully learn to surrender my will to His, these trials will be but a small thing in my life.  I know I will be blessed in this life if I will but follow Him.

My goal is to follow Him every moment of every day.  If I disobey Him, I fully expect discipline so I will fall into submission.  I have had the discipline of the Lord in the past and I am sure I will need it again.  Nevertheless, I am determined to accept this challenge and make the changes necessary in my heart and in my life.

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